In 1989 Jeff Foxworthy produced a hilarious best-selling book titled “You might be a redneck if…” that was an instant sensation and today is in its 30th printing with more than one million copies sold.
Foxworthy has since produced a number of equally successful “You might be a Redneck…” books and spinoffs such as “The Redneck Dictionary” with new twists, angles, and updates.
The books’ premise is based on the comical antics of a subculture of loveable Americans whose lifestyle is considered “country” but who live their lives in contented bliss, unaffected and uncaring about the opinions of others and the society around them. Their habitat is the South, Southwest, and Midwest U.S. They’re the 21st Century’s answer to Ma and Pa Kettle…. hard working, funny, passionately patriotic, country-smart, self-sufficient, Christian, family oriented, and likeable.
Rednecks are not a group that aim to intentionally harm others or convert them to their lifestyle or way of thinking. They are folks you’d enjoy having a beer with while fishing on a riverbank listening to Merle Haggard and Willie Nelson on the radio. In a barroom fight you’d want them at your side.
Following are a few examples from Foxworthy’s original “You might be a Redneck If…
- your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
- your wife’s hairdo has been ruined by a ceiling fan.
- your grandmother keeps a spit jar on the ironing board.
- you’ve been on TV more than once describing what the tornado sounded like.
- you ever waved at traffic from your front porch wearing just your underwear.
A similar book could easily be written about another group of U.S. residents, albeit an assembly of folks that are not the least bit likeable, much less lovable, or laughable other than in their outrageousness. These folks are downright toxic and vehemently anti-American. They’re found mostly in the far West, the Northeastern U.S. and cheek-to-jowl in Washington, D.C. They’re Democrats.
There’s also a loud small local cluster of these unpleasant ideological fanatics huddled together in a downtown Fernandina Beach bubble.
Over a beer a local redneck pal and military veteran once told me: “Getting a Democrat to do something good for America is like trying to poke a cat out from under the porch with a rope.”
Joe Biden, the cranky fossil in the White House is not the least bit affable, honest, or humorous. He’s a cognitively impaired Ebenezer Scrooge without any prospect of redemption or salvation. His Tiny Tim is a drug addled Hunter who would whack you with a crack pipe and steal your wallet.
To paraphrase Foxworthy’s theme “You might be a Democrat if…..
- you believe that the Biden family is not totally corrupt, and that Joe Biden is not the most corrupt president in history.
- you believe that Joe Biden is actually making decisions and formulating policy and not a White House clique of former Obama staffers and D.C. swamp bureaucrats.
- you believe the Chinese gave Hunter Biden diamonds because they like the guy, not because diamonds don’t show up in wire transfers or bank records.
- you can name a single product or service, other than the “Big guy” that the Biden family provided to its clients in Russia, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, China, and Romania.
- you watch and believe MSNBC as they rescript the claim that Hunter’s laptop is Russian misinformation following the accusation that an FBI source really is a Russian spy.
- you read the Washington Post and New York Times and listen to National Public Radio, etc. and believe there are any ethics left in journalism.
- you think that Biden defying the Supreme Court and continuing to forgive loans for college graduates and transferring their debt to folks that never attended college is fair.
- you believe it’s OK for illegals to just walk into the country with no ID get on a government-funded bus or plane to wherever they wish, and receive “walking around money”, free housing and a phone, while Americans have to go through customs and border patrol and show a passport when they return home from abroad.
- you think men can be women, women can be men and that there are more than two sexes.
- you think it’s OK for men to compete on sports teams against women and dress and shower in women’s locker rooms.
- you believe all the state and federal prosecutions filed against Donald Trump by Georgia and New York district attorneys during this 2024 election year are not politically motivated.
- you wear a keffiyeh, burn Israeli flags, chant “Palestine will be free from the river to the sea” and beat, harass and threaten Jewish students on U.S. college campuses.
- you defend the slaughter of 1,200 Israelis while celebrating the Hamas butchers who committed the worst atrocity since the Holocaust.
- you burn down businesses, block traffic, threaten and attack police and beat bystanders in the name of racial equality, and go unpunished.
- you demonstrate for Black Lives Matter, a violent racist group that collects millions for what it says is “racial equality”, then spends it on its founders lavish lifestyles including mansions.
- you think it’s a good idea to defund the police and that local prosecutors and judges should no longer punish looters, thieves, car jackers, muggers, rioters, shop lifters, etc.
- you believe that a male admiral wearing a dress, demanding troops follow insipid pronoun protocol, “green” environmental standards, and a Secretary of Defense nobody can locate, produces a strong military deterrent instead of ridicule and laughter.
- you believe zero-emission vehicles run on electricity instead of a variety of fossil fuels including coal that actually generate the electricity.
- you promote killing full term babies minutes after birth then protest and litigate against pro-life groups.
- you think it’s legitimate for the FBI to investigate parental groups protesting their school boards’ decisions to provide age inappropriate sexual oriented books and curricula to their children.
- you believe teachers’ unions benefit students.
- you believe that closing churches, parks, beaches, and schools during the covid pandemic while keeping casinos and bars open and firing employees who refused to be vaccinated was acceptable.
- you believe that Ivy League schools with endowments (for example, Harvard $50.7 billion and Yale $40.7 billion) that exceed the market value of most publicly traded corporations shouldn’t have to pay taxes and can continue to offer pricey worthless degrees with little to no return on investment.
- you agree with Oregon Democrats who voted to decriminalize the possession of cocaine but banned plastic straws.
There are many, many more but space limitations prevent listing them all.
Summing up, Democrats believe the founding fathers were racist slave holders and ignore that the Democrat party was built on a history of supporting such contemptable causes as slavery, Jim Crow, the Ku Klux Klan, eugenics, and even lynchings. Of course not all Democrats were segregationists, but all segregationists were Democrats.
Conservatives prefer small government, individualism, low taxes, a strong military, and tough on crime programs. Democrats want a massive national government made up of endless bureaucracies controlling all aspects of American lives and letting criminals roam the streets.
Conservative Americans who aren’t being called outrageous by Democrats aren’t being outrageous enough.
(An abridged version of the above column appeared in the Friday, March 1, 2024 issue of the national Biz Pac Review at https://www.bizpacreview.com/2024/03/01/you-might-be-a-democrat-if-1441532/}
***
The News Leader’s Dummy: Legendary ventriloquist Edgar Bergen had two dummies that featured prominently in his popular radio, TV, stage, and film performances – Charlie McCarthy and Mortimer Snerd.
McCarthy was a tuxedo-clad, sophisticated, wise cracking, insightful character, while Snerd was a straw hat-wearing clueless bumkin, baffled and confused by the world around him. He had no ill intent he was just dim as a barrel of hair.
The original Mortimer Snerd
Local Fernandina Beach News Leader far left columnist Chuck Olivia is channeling Snerd. Of all the unhinged rubbish this crackpot has written his NL Wednesday, February 28 frantic frenzy headlined: “Russia, Russia, Russia” is the most irrational. In column after column Olivia appears to look to become the Dylan Mulvaney of local woke opinion writers and in this one he nails it.
His anti-Republican/Trump tirades consist of nothing new, much less anything truthful, only accusations he wishes were accurate. This latest one is a rehash of old Mother Jones, Washington Post, New York Times, MSNBC etc. material that was totally discredited long ago. This Wednesday he attacked conservatives, Trump, and the GOP with the same ferocity he brings to an all-you-can-eat buffet at Golden Corral.
His material consists solely of worn Democrat party “Russia conspiracy” talking points and pickings from the carcasses of disgraced, debunked, discredited liberal media commentary…not an original or factual thought anywhere in sight. Even MSNBC and CNN have stopped reporting these false accusations.
Olivia echoes sad sack Democrat Congressman Adam Schiff’s proclamation that he has “irrefutable evidence of Trump’s involvement with Russia”, which Schiff never produced because it doesn’t exist and never did. Olivia is an advocate of Nazi propagandist Joseph Goebbels, who proclaimed that if you are going to lie, make it a huge outrageous lie, repeat if often, and people will believe it.
Olivia’s mug shot shows him perpetually gazing down at his shoes like a guy caught lying to his wife and ashamed to look at her.
Olivia has no shame as he blatantly prints Democrat party talking points and plagiarizes other far left ideologues’ material that has been proven false.
But what about NL Publisher Foy Maloy and his lefty editor Tracy Dishman? Aren’t they embarrassed? Apparently not, because Olivia has produced more stinkers than the disgruntled citizen that some 20 years ago dumped a truck load of manure on the News Leader’s doorstep to demonstrate his opinion of the paper’s contents.
***
Speaking of Speaking Out: Local author, investigative journalist, and Middle East expert, Ken Timmerman, will be one of the guest speakers at the Monday March 4th We The People Happy Hour for Conservatives, 5-7 p.m. at the Holy Trinity Anglican Church Parish Hall, 1830 Lake Park Drive, Fernandina Beach.
Timmerman, who wrote the “Iran, The Great Danger” cover article for the national Newsmax Magazine in December last year will be joined by John Motavalli, also an author and journalist who taught journalism at Quinnipiac University in CT.
The talks should be fascinating due to the Hamas terrorists instigated war in Gaza and the sorry state of today’s alleged journalists.
To attend contact Deb Boelkes at Deb.Boelkes@BWRising.com or 904/3110-9602. It’s BYOB and a $5 contribution to the church is recommended.
***
Tom Yankus handing over the prized smoked mullet.
How To Win Friends & … Amelia island residents and friends, Tom Yankus and his wife Anne, are connoisseurs of roadside eateries that serve up local delicacies. One of my favorites and that of the retired Georgia educator and high school principal, Tom, and wife, retired college instructor, Dr. Yankus, is smoked mullet. The three of us gained an appreciation for this Gulf Coast delicacy while living in the Tampa Bay area and buying pounds of the stuff at St. Petersburg’s Ted Peters Smoked Fish Restaurant, which is celebrated for the smoked mullet it’s been selling since 1951.
An eagle-eyed Dr. Anne spotted a road side joint called Kyle’s on U.S. 1 while driving back from St. Augustine recently and purchased the last two mullets the place had, one for Tom and the other he gifted to me. Friends this generous and thoughtful don’t come along every day. A bottle of Texas Pete and an ice cold beer were my sides
Just found this blog, Loving it!
Hey Fred,
Pray tell, what exactly are you the “original” of?
The other Fred that was trying to make me look like a liberal… Try to keep up.
Whew! Just got back from a troublesome boat delivery to Miami and saw today’s Scott Blog. It’s HARSH, but but not undeservedly so. Love it and also most of the reader comments.
I say this as a former Democrat, from a deep blue state. But then, I got a job, got married, bought property, invested, and eventually started businesses and became a Christian- all of which today’s Democrat Party seems inimical to. You can hardly be a Democrat if you do all this, are honest and awake.
So, not only did these activities make me more conservative, but at the same time, the Democrat Party veered so far to the left that it fell off the edge of the world. Many who always voted for them just kept on doing so. Do they realize what happened to it? Is it like the slowly boiling frog analogy?
Dave is not exaggerating much in his “you might be a Democrat if…” talking points. It is very sad what is happening, As far as the lady commenter who wants “common ground” and sings the praises of the Atheistic Lennon “Imagine” song- compromising with evil always brings us into evil.
This is NOT your grandfather’s Democrat Party. I don’t recognize it anymore. Even Ronald Reagan, a formerly staunch Democrat said: “I didn’t leave the Democratic Party, the Democratic Party left me.”
I’m not saying that the Republicans are that much better. They spend almost as much as Democrats, slowed down the wall, are implementing Agenda 21, seem to love the deep state, etc. More REAL Conservatives needed there.
LOVE this column, Dave! YOU nailed it, in my opinion. Quite a few laugh-out-loud moments as I read the blog this week. Just when we think policies and pronouncements couldn’t get any more ludicrous, Delusional Democrats deliver.
Dave, on RFK, Jr., I promised you this, so here it is: Climate Change ‘Deniers’ Should Be Jailed: RFK Jr. – The Heartland Institute
.
His defenders have been quick to point out that 1) he didn’t really say that; 2) he did, but he didn’t mean it; and 3) what he meant was that “… corporations and conservative groups that dispute climate change be handed the ‘death penalty.’” (A link to that is here: FLASHBACK: Robert F. Kennedy Jr. once called for Koch Industries and ExxonMobil to be put to ‘corporate death’ | Fox Business ).
Note that “death penalty” in in quotes above because, gee, he doesn’t mean a REAL death penalty, with executions and stuff, but a “corporate death penalty,” in which any organized entity that RJK, Jr. regards as led by “climate deniers” should be destroyed, its assets and shareholder values scattered to the four winds, and its principals sent to prison. Which, if you think about it, is a delightfully “moderate” position.
Democrats and the lame stream media portrayed Joe Biden as the “moderate” political answer to Trump, who they detested for being right on most everything he touched. The US had a booming economy, good foreign relations, no hot wars, and low illegal invasion numbers under Trump’s administration. Look where we are now – and do Dems really believe a stumbling, bumbling, mumbling octogenarian is making our country’s policy decisions ? If you do, I have a bridge in Brooklyn for sale.
Lloyd Austin’s testimony today should be a wake up alarm for America. This man is either hopelessly incompetent or subversive. His covert dereliction of duty during his recent surgery ought to be grounds for impeachment. Leaving America without military leadership for several days, basically going AWOL, should be a sufficient lapse of leadership to require his removal from office. But it gets worse.
His hulking appearance before committee today demonstrates his inability to handle his responsibilities. The statements he made about not reinstating career military professionals that refused compulsory vaccinations, vaccinations that now are highly suspect as to efficacy and horrible side effects including infertility and blood clots, clearly demonstrate a lack of ability to make decisions in the best interest of America and our military.
We need these career military men and women back. Any fool can understand that. Our enlistment requirements are not being met. We have lowered the standards for enlistees. Our military strength and the defense of America is in grave peril.
Get rid of Austin. Get somebody that can do the job.
Respectfully,
Duke Lebold
Dave:
One of your best. Don’t pay any attention to Peg D; you’re getting better and punchier with age. When you see the polls still give 40% or so of the vote to Biden don’t you wonder why anyone would still support Democrat? And knowing the destruction they have caused in our major cities don’t you think the same thing? It’s not that their supporters are declining so much what’s surprising is why anyone is still a Democrat. Then it comes to me. Those, like us, that criticize Democrats are racists, sexists, bigots, haters, greedy, anti LGBTQ+, white supremicists, Russian-supporting genocidalists who are destroying our democracy. The remaining Democrats believe the nonsense that anyone who disagrees with them must be one or all of those.
Love that your columns are now being covered in the new weekly Yulee News. I get my free copy on Friday at Dunkin’ and hope it continues to grow into a local alternative to the News Leader. Hard to believe at this late date that Olivia is still promoting those delusional Adam Schiff Russian hoaxes. The last smart thing Foy Malloy did was fire Dave Scott these many years ago. Couldn’t help myself on that last one, Dave.
You might be a democrat…if you insist on people being vaccinated or lose their right to work, or attend school, then support a President who allows 10 million unemployed, unvaccinated illegals into our country.
You might be a gullible bias-confirming Republican who repeats misinformation gleaned from other equally ignorant provocateurs if you post on the Internet without first fact-checking. To be fair, you might be a Democrat if you do the same. Independents, however, rule.
You might be a Moderate Majority if you lie, belittle and try to bully anyone that doesn’t agree with your inane thought process.
Great- Love the one on Oregon. Sending this to my sad friends who still live in the Northeast
Dave, after reading today’s blog I was very sad. I thought of John Lennon’s “Imagine” and wondered, if Dave put one half of his hatred aside and actually listened to a Dem and tried to find some common ground maybe he would be happier…. When you spew bitterness like that it breeds bitterness in others. am not a Dem but In most of your comments I could substitute the name Trump, or Rep. and it would make sense as well. All the name calling and threats weaken our country not strengthen it. You sounds like a bitter old man Dave, maybe it’s time for you to retire as well….
I like John Lennon also, but have you actually listened to the LYRICS of that song and not just the MUSIC?
Very well said and I could not agree with you or the general sentiment of Imagine any more than I already do. Your post is a beam of sunlight shining through the dark clouds.
Is that 14th amendment still rocking for you? 9-0: the justices said the Constitution makes Congress, not the states, responsible for enforcing that provision of the Constitution.
Perhaps you could share some examples of the compromises or position flexibility that Democrats might make to Republicans in the spirit of “finding common ground “. Perhaps less Democrat TDS could serve as an example. As well as less Democrat name calling and threats. Some good examples of Democrat common ground would be a great first step.
Seriously? Do you follow the news at all? So the bipartisan agreement on immigration reform announced by the Senate but killed by the Republican-led House doesn’t qualify? Or Biden reaching out to Trump to work together to lobby Congress on a Border agreement does not pass-muster for “finding common ground”? FWIW, both Trump and Biden have repeatedly had Border control executive actions overturned by the Supreme Court. SCOTUS has consistently ruled that the President does not have the authority to change Asylum Laws. Only Congress has that authority. Yet, here we are with Biden receiving the brunt of the blame from Republicans despite inaction/refusal on their part to address the crisis.
Biden can simply cancel his 93 executive orders reversing Donald’s policies. No new laws required! Illegal immigration problem solved. Seriously.
Do you mean like Title 42? Nope, the policy was forced to end when the Pandemic ended. Do you mean the Remain in Mexico policy? Mexico has to agree, and they’ve decided to end cooperation. The border wall? Congress refused to approve necessary funding and Trump’s attempt to declare a national emergency and use federal funding wound up in litigation. So which of Donald’s immigration policies are you referring to?
Poor, poor Peg. Suffering worse than ever from TDS. Where are your glasses? If you think Trump or anyone other than a RINO agree with any of those ridiculous Dem stands, you must have misread them. I’m pretty sure Dave is happier than you are right now.
Or you might just be an idiot.