The wall along the southern border will be built no matter how much American liberals rant and the Mexicans kick their feet and hold their breath.
The only roadblock I can see so far is paying for it. The Mexican government says it isn’t coughing up a single peso and President Trump claims the U.S. taxpayer won’t be on the hook for the bill.
So here’s my solution. Sell ads and naming rights to sections of the wall. Amateur and professional sports organizations have been raking in huge payoffs over the years by selling the naming rights to their stadiums, arenas, bowl games and more.
Here’s just a few of the most recent college bowl game names and none of these are made up: The Poulan Weed Eater Independence Bowl; San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl; Famous Idaho Potato Bowl; and my favorite, Popeyes Bahamas Bowl. And when it comes to stadiums we have Dick’s Sporting Goods Park in Colorado (commonly called “The Dick” by locals); Middelfart Stadium in Denmark; Hunky Dorys Park, Ireland; Guaranteed Rate Field, home of the Chicago White Sox; KFC Yum Center in Louisville, and more. Ok, I think you get my drift here.
If these organizations can generate millions in revenue from naming rights why not form a public-private organization and sell sections of the wall on both sides of the border to commercial and other organizations that want to advertise their goods or make a statement. If would be a like a giant billboard 1,989 miles long.
For example on the Mexican side chain restaurants could pay to have their company names and a tag line on a section of the wall. (By the way all these tag lines are real.) For example: “Taco Bell! Make a run for the border.” or Burger King’s “Sometimes you’ve got to break the rules.” Also appropriate would be the old “Don’t leave home without it — American Express.” Or even a Texas BBQ joint could buy space on the Mexican side saying; “Just 220 more miles to the County Line Barbeque, Austin, Texas” or “Just ahead San Antonio, home of Alamo car rentals”. Wouldn’t an athletic shoe manufacturer be ideal for the Mexican side of the wall too such as “Nike – Just do it!” Or ads for ladders, grappling hooks and other such tools? There could also be public service notices posted along the Rio Grande River section of the wall saying: “No Swimming!” “Deep Water” or “No lifeguard on duty.” The builders could also sell classified ads for kitchen help in U.S. restaurants, farm workers, landscape companies and more. And travel agencies could appeal to the Mexicans heritage with ads saying: “Visit parts of Mexico that aren’t in Mexico anymore — California, Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, and more.”
On the U.S. side the possibilities are unlimited: Travel agencies could appeal to American tourists advertising the historic Mexican bathrooms they will see lots of due to a severe case of “Montezuma’s Revenge” contracted the second they set foot in Mexico. Or urge them to visit the hometowns of colorful Mexican historical icons like Zorro, Pancho and his horse Diablo, the Cisco Kid, Chiquita Banana and the notorious Frito Bandito. Or visit the home of Alfonso Bedoya, the first film actor to say: “I don’t have to show you no stinkin’ badges.” Who says Mexico isn’t jammed with history and culture?
Unhinged liberals could buy space on the American side to make pithy statements for which they are infrequently known. But in this case they could paraphrase President Reagan and inscribe on their area: “Mr. Trump tear down this wall.” Conservatives could used the boring old adage “Good fences make good neighbors.” Security and alarm companies are natural advertisers as are fence contractors and gated communities. On both sides there could be spaces for individuals to put up sticky notes to sell cars, babysit, walk dogs, deliver homemade tacos, etc.
Rates would be based on high and low traffic areas. Whereas San Diego and Tijuana wall sections would demand top dollar, the area between Big Bend, Texas and Boquillas, Mexico would be devoted to public service ads like the crap on National Public Radio.
If President Trump and his Mexican counterpart put their heads together, along with some of their country’s best marketing folks, this could turn into one of the most profitable ventures in the history of advertising. Clients on both sides will demand a bigger wall with more ad space.
Hey, and if this idea works out and both sides generate enough revenue from this deal, I’m betting the Canadians will ask Trump about the possibility of building a wall along the northern border too.
Do-Nothing Republicans: What the Dickens have the elected Republican senators and Congressmen and women been doing the last seven years. They’ve had that much time to mold a viable, workable and sane alternative to the Obamacare train wreck but apparently running for office, vacations and whining took up all their time. Now that Donald Trump is in office and says he will fulfill his campaign pledge of repealing the Obama monstrosity, the GOP doesn’t appear to have a clue as to what they are supposed to do and are look like shell-shocked Democrats as they stumble around the capital bumping into walls and tripping over the furniture. Trump was right when he said it’s time to drain the swamp as there doesn’t appear to be an elected official in D.C. with a backbone, much less a whit of intelligence, no matter what party.
Speaking of Dumb: Maxine Waters, a Democrat Congresswoman from California puts a whole new blush on the word “dumb.” This woman, who has an IQ just below that of a barrel of hair, had her staff hanging their heads with embarrassment and her audience snickering and scratching their heads in puzzlement after she confused South Korea, Crimea, Syria and Russia during a press appearance earlier this week. With a equally dim and bug-eyed House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi looking on the bewildered legislator discussed why President Trump should be impeached saying: (And I am not making this up) Trump has “done enough in the short period of time for questions to be raised about whether or not he is acting in the best interest of this country.” But then Waters ran still. She knew she had more information, but she just couldn’t recall it. “And knowing that he’s responsible for supplying the bombs that killed innocent children and families in, um, in, um,” she said, forgetting exactly where until someone in the audience yelled “Aleppo.” “Yeah, in Aleppo,” she said. Now she was ready for her big news flash adding: “And the fact that he is wrapping his arms around Putin while Putin is continuing to advance into Korea.” With her it’s hard to tell, but she might have meant Crimea and if so missed by about 4,500 miles. Why is this woman allowed out of the house unattended? Are Democrats ever embarrassed?
Speaking Plain English Department: Occasionally I’ll run across a article or an essay by a university professor that makes sense and with the current loony left-wing campus mind-set these days articulate and rational educators are a rarity. But Crispin Sartwell an associate professor of philosophy at Carlisle, Pennsylvania’s Dickinson College is a breath of fresh air in the current “Shut-up if your don’t agree with me” university environment. In an opinion piece penned for the Wall Street Journal a couple of weeks ago Professor Sartwell not only took his fellow educators to task for their incomprehensible verbal piffle but also admirably dissected the lack of linguistic skills by our elected officials while at the same time praising the “verbal improvisational ability” of President Trump. “Trump has more verbal improvisational ability than any presidential-level politician in decades,” wrote Professor Sartwell. “On a typical day, Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry and Mitt Romney express themselves like androids with rudimentary artificial intelligence: They repeat tested, empty phrases; they reach for focus-grouped generalities; they are so careful that they say nothing at all. It is a heroic task to pretend to pay attention to them.” The plain speaking professor said that social media is “full to bursting with professors insulting Trump’s IQ,” adding that pundits and professors are going to have to “develop an ear, or show some basic linguistic competence in interpretation…in other words develop the interpretive skills of a human.” I’d take this guy’s course but I’m betting his left-leaning colleagues will be less than collegial to him after reading his stinging but true comments.
Gaga Over Gaga: I’ve never been much of a fan of Lady Gaga, not because I don’t like her music, but because I just didn’t pay much attention to her until her Super Bowl halftime show appearance. I’m now very impressed with this young woman who did exactly what she was paid to do at the halftime show — entertain the audience. And she did it with talent, flair, and dignity, providing a show that had everyone that watched — with the exception of a few loopy lefty bomb throwers who wanted a political statement — applauding her appearance. And to add to the stylishness of her widely acclaimed show Ms. Gaga beautifully provided some patriotic tunes, furthering her overall appeal. I like show business professionals who stick to show business.
You’re A Fatty! And You’re A Sisi: Newly elected Gambia President Adama Barrow has a special adviser named Mai Ahmad Fatty. It would have been interesting to watch Mr. Fatty and Egyptian President Abdel Sisi as toddlers teasing each other on a school playground.
When The Left Is Right: According to the left-leaning Brookings Institution the best anti-poverty program is a job. The D.C.-based organization says Americans have a 98 percent chance of avoiding poverty by doing three simple things: 1- Graduate from high school; 2- Get a full time job — any job; 3- Wait until marriage to have children. In my opinion as soon as they’re able to read children should be provided with a wallet sized card containing these three simple to-live-by rules.
Stating The Obvious: Washington-based right-leaning Heritage Foundation studies conclude that the country’s $1 trillion-a-year welfare machine not only incentivizes people against work but encourages out-of-wedlock birth, a scenario that it says disproportionately sets children up for a life of poverty and non-productivity. In 1965 roughly 8 percent of children were born to unmarried mothers. Today that number exceeds 40 percent.
A Voter Since 1932: A classmate of mine from Tampa’s Plant High School recently sent me a newspaper clipping about her mother voting in last year’s presidential primary election in Nashville, TN, one of the last photos taken of her late mom. The caption described how Ms. Etta Lee Marlin hadn’t missed voting in a presidential election since the 1932 contest between Franklin Roosevelt and Herbert Hoover. I was always welcomed and treated with kindness by Mrs. Marlin when visiting their home even though she kept a close eye on me as I’m sure she rightfully suspected I lusted after her gorgeous blonde daughter. My friend Linda’s mom passed away late last year at 103.
A Stroke Of Bad Luck: A little more than three years ago I suffered a stroke that left parts of the left side of my body as numb as Hillary Clinton the day after the election. As a result my left leg at times feels like it’s made of wood and I have to watch were I step, which I didn’t do this past Super Bowl Sunday as I awkwardly twisted it sending me tumbling to the den floor with a fractured fibula, one of the bones below the knee that I’ve blissfully ignored over the years. I think it’s odd that we have body parts that we aren’t very familiar with and don’t appreciate until one of them fails to function properly. I went to bed ignoring my leg pain thinking that the next morning it would go away but the only thing to disappear was my mobility requiring a visit to Baptist General’s Emergency Room, x-rays a cast and appropriate finger wagging by my wife, Linda, and the ER staff that shamed me into realizing I should have acted sooner and paid more attention to what my body is trying to tell me. As a result I’m now studying my many unfamiliar body parts and vow that in the future I’ll pay heed to those I’ve ignored and taken for granted over the years such as my glabella, condyle, axilla, pinna, gowpen and in particular my purlicue.
Drinking, Dining & Dancing: Tomorrow, Saturday, Feb. 11, Michael Smith and Randy Bowman of Buy-Go, the bodega at the corner of South 8th Street and Gum will treat folks to 10 different Italian wines plus some interesting Forrelli foods and desserts. Call ’em at 904/310-9766. Tim and Theresa Poynter will open their third Timoti’s in Nocatee’s Town Center and in addition to seafood baskets, chowders, sandwiches and salads the new location will boast a beer and wine bar and covered patio. Son Bryan Poynter will manage the operation. The popular Salty Pelican Sunday brunch with a do-it-yourself Bloody Mary Bar begins again this Sunday at 10 a.m. and runs through August. If you think you can cook a decent bowl of red, then join the folks downtown February 25 for the For the 10th Annual Chili Cook-Off with proceeds going to support the Amelia Island Montessori School. People interested in participating can contact Jay Robertson by email at email@example.com.
Great ideas for advertising on The Wall. This wall will be so terrific it will even stop El Chapo, terrific wall, believe me. Stop by the WH and let’s talk an advertising deal; let’s make it a great deal, really great, right? Break a leg with your blog thing; figuratively speaking.
Great idea about the wall there Dave……..
Hey Dave sorry to hear of the fall. To bad about the fibula, but thank the Lord is was not the medulla.
Save some space for the up coming “women’s close the office day off”. listen intently for the message.
801 Kitchen, = great bar lively atmosphere, congenial wait staff and an eclectic happy hour menu.
Hear on the corner that there is a new owner of Parkway Grill. ??? Pretty soon, 12-13 food places between the Omni Entrance and the Parkway Grill. Pretty interesting shift in eateries between the beach, city and south end. Hope to se you 2/21.
Sorry to hear about your bone break. Heal as fast as possible.
Recently saw a letter to editor in TU citing that the GOP stymied Obama for his 8 years in office and by extension the dems should do the same to Trump. I thought that interesting in that the federal debt amassed about an additional $10 trillion under Obama’s budgets. I had to wonder how much more it would had been had the GOP not “stymied” him!
I was surprised your column this week did not include commentary about the 9th circus (sic) court decision regarding Trump’s EO regarding immigration. Perhaps the left coast is planning on a session with the hope of having a Marshall like plan for rebuilding it? I wonder what would happen if they seceded and the Union said “good bye”? Hopefully they get to take their portion of the federal debt with them too!
I don’t know your old friend, Bill Dean, but I agree with him.
My old friend Mr. Scott:
First, I am shocked to hear about your stroke three years ago. It obviously didn’t affect your ability to write stuff that causes me to LOL when reading it. My wife asks me, “what are you chuckling about.” I have to say, ” my old buddy Dave Scott can pen some of the funniest stuff I’ve ever read.” She says, “Give me an example.” So I recite the piece on selling commercial space on the Mexican wall. We both laugh together. Then we look at each other and agree that one of the late night TV shows should hire you to write the monologues.