Corporate marketing staffers aren’t worth their weight in three-piece suits if they don’t have the guts to stand up and proclaim why the idiotic promotional programs their bosses are suggesting will spell disaster.
Bud Light assembling its marketing team.
They may get fired for being brutally honest and bursting out in uncontrollable laughter during the boss’s presentation, but it beats being publicly waterboarded and having their professional reputations permanently stained with classic corporate fiascos. Having “I warned them” on a resume trumps “I was part of that mess.”
Where was the marketing staff when Alissa Heinerscheid, the ostentatious ivy-draped Harvard gal initiated Bud Light’s marketing debacle to appeal to the LGBTQABC+ crowd and mocked the brand’s good ‘ole boy loyalists who hammer breakfast beers?
Nothing in her insane concept worked except the mocking part as she effectively persuaded the company’s most loyal customer base to abandon the brew. She generated a tsunami of negative publicity sending sales of Bud Light south, a direction it is still headed.
Anheuser Busch’s stunned C suite suits quickly discarded the pretentious and clueless Crimson cuckoo putting her and her immediate boss on “leave.” Nothing has been heard from the two of them in weeks and it’s doubtful there are many companies out there knocking on the door of their pit of misery with job offers.
“What do you mean we can’t even give it away?” asks Anheuser-Busch Chief Marketer Marcel Marcondes.
But what about Marcel Marcondes the chief global marketing officer of Anheuser-Busch InBev, the Belgium-based company that owns Bud Light? What happened to this madcap marketing maven who was in charge of this massive Brew-ha-ha?
He was last heard from in France sipping Champaign and nibbling foie gras at the lavish Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity, collecting (and I am not making this up) an honor as Creative Marketer of the Year.
This is NOT a Babylon Bee or Onion satirical howler but an actual award at a real event. Marcel, not exactly a name associated with beer-drinking, back-slapping, coon-hunting good-ole-boys, gave a talk about (and I am not making this up either) his company’s “relentless focus on connecting with consumers in meaningful ways.”
As far as I know he didn’t provide any tips on how he proposes to lure Skeeter, Billy-Bob, or Spider back into the Bud Light fold after exposing them to the pretend gal Dylan Mulvaney and his tutu-wearing pals.
While we’re told that we’re not supposed to mock drag queens or transvestites, Bud Light teamed up with this guy who mocks real women with exaggerated impressions, a squeaky high pitched voice, etc. Good luck on ever attracting any real gal Bud Light drinkers in the future.
Even with huge rebates nobody’s buying the stuff.
While keeping a straight face Marcondes told the crowd: “It’s tough to see the controversial and divisive debates that have been happening in the U.S. in the last couple of weeks involving lots of brands and companies, including and especially Bud Light,” he said. “It’s tough exactly because what we do is all about bringing people together.”
The tone-deaf Marcondes belongs in the Marketing Hall of Shame right up there with the Edsel, New Coke and the BP CEO who said he “would like his life back” after an oil rig explosion killed 11 of his employees and sent oil spewing into the Gulf of Mexico. Before Marcondes my favorite “worst” was Adidas sending an email to runners in the 2017 Boston Marathon, after the Boston Marathon bombing, congratulating them “on surviving.”
A “Marcondes Moment” could be the newest phrase for any corporate marketing concept gone terribly wrong.
Along with Bud Light a leading contender so far for this year’s award is the L.A. Dodgers baseball team for honoring the blasphemous “Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence” with a “community hero award.”
This group of transvestites, which has no ties to the Christian religion, describes itself as being “a leading-edge order of queer and trans nuns.” Its members perversely dress up as nuns while encouraging lewd and sacrilegious behavior.
Protestors and cops outnumbered fans at Dodger Stadium.
The team’s Mother of Superiorly ‘s vile promotion will probably earn the Dodgers marketing chief a featured spot on next year’s Cannes Festival stage.
Family Research Council’s Ken Blackwell, who is part of the shareholder group of the Cincinnati Reds, has watched the grassroots pushback explode across industries over these past few months. “Most fans just want to be entertained,” he said. “This sort of ‘advocacy athleticism,’” as he called it, “is just a slippery slope.”
“It’s just like the whole Bud Light controversy,” Blackwell pointed out. “Folks are speaking with their feet and their pocketbooks. People aren’t just going to sit on the sidelines anymore and be insulted. These activists who are pushing this agenda seem to think hardworking, every day, Bible-believing people are marshmallows—and we’re not.”
If an athletic team wants to honor heroic citizens how about a ceremony to show appreciation to those brave soldiers who earned the Congressional Medal of Honor. That would fill a stadium even if there was no game.
MLB now stands for Major League Buffoons. What’s next? A nude switch hitters game?
(An abridged version of the above commentary was published in the national Biz Pac Review at https://www.bizpacreview.com/2023/06/23/beer-marketers-awfulness-applauded-1371169/ )
***
The Lone Rangers: the Texas Rangers are resisting pressure from LGBTQ+ activists to expose their fans to the Pride idiocy.
This lone MLB team out of 30 has held steady in refusing to host a specific “Pride Night” celebration. While other teams are conducting all kinds of bizarre gimmicks including rainbow-themed jerseys or drag queens at the ceremonial opening pitch, the Rangers are saying “no thanks, we’ll pass.”
When the Western Journal reached out to the Rangers, the team responded with a statement that made it clear they have no intention of breaking their tradition anytime soon.
“Our commitment is to make everyone feel welcome and included in Rangers baseball. That means in our ballpark, at every game, and in all we do — for both our fans and our employees. We deliver on that promise across our many programs to have a positive impact across our entire community,” a team representative said in a statement that is hard to dispute.
The Rangers are in the midst of an excellent season, perhaps offering an explanation for why they are not interested in taking the focus off the baseball diamond. The team is currently in first place in its division and has the second best record in the league.
***
Coming Out Time! This coming Wednesday, July 28, Anheuser-Busch had better be prepared to tell financial analysts what its plans are to fix its Bud Light marketing mess and stem their investors financial pain or it will only get worse.
Bud Light recently lost its status as the top-selling beer in the U.S. and Anheuser-Busch has lost $27 billion in stock value since March.
The only way to stop the bleeding is for Anheuser-Busch to publicly disclose a very clear plan on how it intends to revive Bud Light sales. Bud Light represents 30% of the company’s U.S. earnings, which itself constitutes 30% of global sales. That means Bud Light alone represents around 9% of total sales.
Ever since its idiotic LGBTG+ debacle its sales have been down around 30%, implying a 3% hit to earnings if the trend remains. Market observers say that if Bud Light can regain those sales, it can overdeliver the 6.5% consensus number and maybe even meet the 8% goal. If it can’t, it risks falling below the 4% floor. Analysts won’t be happy, neither will investors who are taking it in the wallet.
Analysts will be brutally blunt: “What, specifically, is the company doing to win consumers back?” So far, Anheuser-Busch has tried camouflage bottles, trotted out the Clydesdales, flag waving, deep discounts, rebates, and tripling media spending on Bud Light ads. None of it is working as beer sales continue to plummet.
The company has never addressed the problem. It never explained why sales tanked. It never once mentioned Dylan Mulvaney, the guy pretending to be a gal they teamed up with to attract the LGBTQ+ crowd. They never apologized. Nor did they mention the sad sack marketing chick they hired that insulted Bud Light’s loyal drinkers. This gal had no idea who her target audience was and now nobody has any idea where she is.
They have failed to admit they made a mistake, which in itself is a huge mistake.
***
Overheard At PJD’s Beer & Wine Garden: “There are a lot of talented people with experience living in Fernandina Beach so why doesn’t the city put an ad in the local paper for the open City Manager position?” asked a patron to his pal at the popular 12 South 2nd Street watering hole.
On another topic a customer suggested out loud that clothes dryer vents should be directed to a home’s attic where “they could add extra insulation.”
There’s a lot of free, useful, useless, and interesting banter flowing at PJD’s along with more than 200 different kinds of beer.
***
A Riveting Read: Good friend and American Spectator writer Larry Thornberry has an excellent review of Florida Republican Senator Marco Rubio’s book “Decades of Decadence” in the June 18 Spectator. You can read it and Larry’s opinion of the articulate senator by clicking here: https://spectator.org/woke-swells-deconstructed-marco-rubio-pins-the-tail-on-the-elite-donkeys-destroying-america/
Larry’s synopsis explains how readers will find Rubio’s acute analytical intelligence and passion at work. “Decades of Decadence, is “a spot-on diagnosis of what has brought about America’s precipitous economic, moral, and political decline of the past three decades. He names names and pulls no punches. The book is a euphemism-free zone,” Larry writes.
“The nation destroyers in the piece are elites in corporate America, Wall Street, mainstream media, entertainment, universities, the teaching vocation, publishing, a dismaying percentage of the clergy, and the constellation of indignation groups that the enumerated villains cater to and in many cases fund. Most savvy conservatives understand that these are the bad guys (and gals). But Rubio gives us the history and the specifics, chapter, and verse.”
***
The New Twilight Zone: Various unexplainable events ranging from Joe Biden’s incomprehensible speeches and pratfalls to California’s call for reparations and the chaos on the southern border among many others are more than deserving of Rod Serling’s mid-20th Century Twilight Zone introduction. Each week I’ll select one from the many and then use the following introduction before segueing to a description of the event:
“You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That’s the signpost up ahead – your next stop, the Twilight Zone!”
Democrat John Fetterman, the hulking tattooed and hooded unmade bed Pennsylvanians elected to the U.S. Senate last year created entirely new words including “infructure,” “infration,” and “delagadation,” while attempting to introduce an equally unintelligible Joe Biden last Sunday in Philadelphia. Biden, who couldn’t order a Happy Meal if his life depended on it, was probably thinking: “WOW! This guy is sharp. I think he could replace Kamala.”
Prior to arriving in Philly Biden had his Connecticut audience scratching their heads when he ended his speech there exclaiming: “God save the queen.”
***
Drinking, Dining & Dancing: I was invited to join a group of more than 20 folks to support hard working single mom Colleen Angel at her newly named “BeachBilly” hot dog joint at 401 South 8th Street last Saturday. We brought folding chairs and plopped down on the walkway in front of Ms. Angel’s hot dog emporium and in the parking lot. Fernandina Beach is still attempting to extort the lady for thousands of dollars in impact fees for benches and chairs, which the enterprising Ms. Angel now sells at her BeachBilly location. The group sampled a variety of hot dogs that ranged from chili dogs and Chicago dogs with prices from $6 to $18. She also features burgers, gumbo, etc. and even serves breakfast. This coming July 3rd she’ll sponsor a hot dog eating contest with winners earning cash prizes. She says the event will feature a variety of foods (pulled pork and beef brisket, etc.) other than hot dogs, live music, cornhole competition and face painting for kids. A kids hot dog eating contest starts at 5 p.m. and the adult eating contest kicks off at 6 p.m. Entry fees are $10. Folks can enter the day of the contest or sign up by calling 904/540-9109. Oh, the enterprising lady recently posted a sign displaying the location’s new name on the building above her front entrance. The city shakedown extortionists charged her $850 to do so. Ms. Angel also operates Amelia’s Best Barbershop at 1951 South 8th St. and conducts historic tours.
Dave, I’m leaving this here because I know you read these. Feel free to delete it as it doesn’t pertain to the subjects in this blog.
There is a link I’m pasting below regarding what we were talking about, and I’m pleased to report that we were both right. (Why does that always happen?)
You can skip down to Chapter IX, row c, item i. and see the details.
You were correct in saying that there are only two options for unaffiliated infidels: convert or die.
Christians and Jews get MUCH better treatment with three options: convert, die, or live under Islamic subjugation and pay a tax (jizya) for the privilege.
I think it’s very sweet of the Islamists to offer the “People of the Book” such a generous third option – tantamount to saying “Ok, we won’t kill you for not joining up as long as you live in submission to us and pay a tax for being allowed to keep breathing. Of course we reserve the right to kill you later. Just saying.”
https://www.wired.com/images_blogs/dangerroom/2012/05/guandolo_jihad_islamic_law.pdf
Dave, Methinks thou dost protest too much…beating this anti-Pride horse to death, ad nauseum. Are you afraid that some make-up will rub off on you, and you might like it? Or that you might “catch the Gay”? How about you opine us about your choice between DeSantis and Trump for President. Now, that would be enlightening and a great topic for debate amongst your fellow Hypocritarians. You would have to take a stand on something, that might tick off half of your readers/supporters, however. Just testing your mettle here.
Use your real name or bugger-off.
Hey George, too funny! I’ve been complaining about Dave’s minions not using their real and full names for ages. Hence the chicken hawk reference. I am Coleman LANGSHAW … So bugger yourself George! Dave, you censor me for calling one of your minion an arse, but you let George tell me to bugger off. Just more of the same Hypocrite Party, party line.
Rock on!
Thank you for saying what I have also been wondering. Also curious as to what these folks think of Trump these days.
Ha, Coleman and Sarah don’t expect any type of logical answer to your questions. This is an ultra right-wing, MAGA, etc. blog frequnted vy a bunch of mullet eaters and they’ll just double down on their views. Try asking what they think of Trump’s promise to pardon the insurrectionists. Responses might include that the kids miss their daddy and a pardon would be great.
Better yet, what do you liberals think about your “solution” to Trump? Been awfully quiet about your support these days… LOL
No need to debate or argue about this. Just listen to House Speaker McCarthy state his opinion that “Trump may not be the strongest candidate.” Why might that be? Trump says, “I did nothing wrong” but we all already know the real truth is not to be found in his words or on Truth Social. I’ve lost track of the number of debunked legal theories he has put forth as an excuse for his actions. His lies and failures to uphold the Constitution are finally going to cause him to fail at securing the GOP nomination, much less a reelection to office.
Okay, let’s go with your theory. Has he been convicted of ANY of the BS the dems/liberals have thrown at him the entire time he was in office or after? More than half of which they themselves were guilty of, yet never faced any charges or accusations. Can you say bleached emails, Russia, Russia, Russia, Steele documents, insurrection (not even close to one), failure to protect your own Capital? Not to mention all the FAILED policies of the current administration. You folks really need to wake up! Just because you dislike the man, doesn’t mean you have to ignore the stupidity and downright illegal actions of the others. When do we see charges brought against Biden for doing the exact same thing as Trump? How about a raid on Obama’s home? I’m sure the Martha’s Vineyard mansion is sooooo secure. Your unwillingness to admit your party’s own deceit and actions give you ZERO credibility when you throw the same things at Trump or any other conservative for that matter.
Hey Coley, you should be a little more sneaky about your pseudonyms. That tired ol’ Chicken Hawk moniker is about as obvious as your weak replies.
You are a great asset to the community.
Your restaurant reviews are spot-on.
And your choice of targets is perfection in print.
I agree with a small portion of what you said. “You are [Dave is] a great ass.” Edit your post to delete the rest and I’ll give you a thumbs up!
His choice of targets is fine. Normal people need to be reminded that this small group of extremists exists and you certainly have the right to your opinions and to express same. However, if its all about protecting the kids, then this site need to have restricted access because its vile, obscene and offensive to the vast majority of the population.
For those familiar with the playing career of Nolan Ryan and after retirement when he became the CEO of the Texas Rangers one may understand why they are not in on “Pride” events os anything else that’s a distraction to the game itself. He retired from his CEO position BUT is still on the advisory board of this MLB team. Too bad one of the greatest of the game and an excellent corporate executive isn’t the commish of baseball.
When asked his opinion of Black History Month, Morgan Freeman said he felt insulted and went on to ask, “You’re going to relegate my history to a month?” The Texas Rangers quietly and without team aggrandizement support the LGBTQ community year-round through sponsorship of the NAGAAA Gay Softball World Series and working on initiatives with local groups, including the Pegasus Slow-Pitch Softball Association, which promotes quality amateur softball at all levels of play with a special emphasis on the participation of members of the LGBTQ+ community, In addition, the Rangers have worked for several years with the Resource Center, which provides programs and assistance to LGBTQ+ communities, and the team developed an Inclusion and Community Impact Council to foster conversations, ideas, and programs to support employees internally and to the community externally. I am a lifelong fan of the Texas Rangers going back to when they were the Washington Senators. I have a signed lithograph of Nolan Ryan hanging in my house. I have never heard Mr. Ryan speak ill of the LGBTQ+ community. Google backs me up on this. Perhaps you can enlighten me.
Thanks for setting the record straight and making me smile!
Pretty sure you just made Dave’s point for him. There is ZERO need to throw LGBTQ…XYZ up in everyone’s face. Want to support that community? Great, do it in a way that doesn’t involve or offend the other 99.9% of our population. Personally, I think it is funny that you would want to take PRIDE in your sexual preference/activities and that those that support it don’t see the perversion of said PRIDE. Why not just walk around nude all the time and fornicate right out in the open? Y’all are like petulant children, trying to push the limits to see just how much you can get away with before someone responsible and reasonable says, enough is enough.
Seems the author of this blog and its readers spend more time thinking about gay sex than any of those people do! Don’t know what the coconut stuff is all about but I certainly agree that Fred seems to be an idiot!
This website needs a way for people to give their thumbs up and down. Take votes and find out what people think about the issues.
Well Mark, you might want to understand that this is a blog, not a democratic website. If you don’t know what that means, then I suggest you remove yourself from the conversations, before you make yourself look even dumber…js Start your own liberal BS blog and you can do whatever you like. Of course you won’t have any readers other than those that think exactly like you do, but at least you will have control… LOL
Fred – I was responding to Mr. Yankus. Try keeping up before hitting the ENTER key.
Try understanding that someone can comment on your gibberish and it not be exactly pertaining to what YOU were trying to do. SMDH
Fred, your nemeses are correct – you are an idiot! As MM said, read and think before you hit send. Dave ends his blog with a request/suggestion/option to “LEAVE A REPLY”. That is exactly what Mark did! Your bitching about his reply is no better than the type of unwelcome behavior that you accuse MM of engaging in.
If Dave wants a closed discussion amongst only those who share his opinion he simply needs to say so. If that doesn’t work, he can restrict access or permission to post similar to what others do. It’s his blog and he is setting the rules!
P.S., this is a non-partisan comment based on observing your tendency to post inflammatory and poorly considered replies to other readers’ comments. What’s your deal man?
Bryan, apparently you have not read my posts or have a reading comprehension problem. That is all… lol
By saying 99.9% of our “population”, you must be referring to the extreme right that congregates online at this site. Yeah, N.E. Florida certainly has more than its fair share of that crowd who believe the local population growth is because of DeSantis when it is really despite him, however, just like has been the case with our elections for quite some time, the vast majority of the popular vote does not share your bigotry and hatred.
I’m saying that only .01% of our population are transgender. Is that so hard to comprehend?
$850 for a hot dog sign! Any idea how many hot dogs you have to sell to net $850? It’s called taxation by fine and fee and the thugs that run Shakedown City are past masters. Dave, do you ever notice that business folks in the County never seem to experience these shakedowns? We all need to support Colleen’s businesses.
If I was going into that business as Ms. Angel has, I would understand the governing laws and have a business plan that included financials. So, in that case the answer would be “yes”. And if the business did not make financial sense, I would simply not go any further with the idea. Remember, nobody is above the law! Going forward you’ll be hearing that a lot more too…
It has been pointed out several times that Colleen is a single mother. Why exactly is that relevant? Is Dave promoting some sort of liberal social welfare agenda here? If that is going to be made into a reason for supporting her business, then we need to know more about the circumstances of this “ask”. For the mean time, I plan to stick with the established vendors that have been providing FB with great food that can be enjoyed in an actual restaurant setting vs. as a side business to a barber shop.
Is that you Coley? you sneaky little devil. Julia… lol
Awww, I’ve got another fan. Or is that you again Coley? So, it’s down to personal/physical insults now? Typical liberal tactics. Well without knowing your physical appearance, I guess I’ll have to go with your head is up your “you know what”.
He is not as excellent as someone like Obama, however, he is doing fine given the circumstances. DeSantis is not the youthful and intelligent leader our country needs.
Wow, even more of your nonsense. You just don’t stop, do you? Dave is just using extreme political satire. In addition to exhibiting a lack of intelligence, you are consistently mean and hateful. Sounding a bit psychotic too. Whatever, I’ve certainly got better things to do and will simply not read your comments anymore. I hope you will consider talking to your spiritual leader or a mental health provider. Peace, love and happiness!
That is rich Bryan… you find the other comments benign and mine hateful? My spiritual leader is Jesus. You should have a conversation with him sometime.
In order to get in the door of WalMart these days, one must almost have to scale a 20′ tall tower of Bud lite with price signs blaring $19.99 for 24 cans. As I squeezed around the escarpment, I did notice that there didn’t seem to have been much movement of the case lots. Even at 80 cents a can, the people in mid-Florida ain’t buyin’ it.
Great that you are drinking less these days – congrats as it is a much healthier lifestyle choice. Careful about food shopping at Walmart though. Lots of very terrible food that’ll prevent you from losing those pounds you’ve put on over the years. You also don’t want to teach your kids to eat that crap. Y’all are a F#$% Hillbilly Elegy come true! Set a positive example – take the little redneck rats to McDonald’s instead. Very presidential. Just don’t let em eat their pudding with their fingers.
MichUltra is better that than bud light any day!!!
You do realize it’s the same company don’t you?
The boycott is against Bud Light, not Michelob Ultra. AB Inbev has 40% plus market share in the US alone.
So? The woman that lit this fuse works for AB. If I boycott something, I do it to impact the bottom line of the company.
I think the Mulvaney angle would have been better served with Mich Ultra…js or perhaps the Seltzer line? But you go ahead and drink that light yellow water all you like. The point is about AB as a whole and them destroying their number 1 selling beverage… smh
You’re just a gem aren’t you? LMAO
Watching the local news near Orlando heard the following news clip: tourist and sales tax income is down 12% this year. I wondered why till it dawned on me Disney is located in the county where taxes are down. I wonder why, perhaps pride proceeds the fall??
The gal at bud light you mention was a hire specifically for expanding the brand. The company full well knew what they were getting. For it now to put all the disaster on her is misdirected. They asked for it, they got it.
Ok, OK, add your name to the above list. Vince, you are a moron!