Meet the Woke Islanders, angry finger-wagging hypocritical scolds dictating what they decree others should be allowed to read, say, and do, while they do the opposite.

Don’t confuse Woke Islanders with Wake Islanders, folks who live on one of the most remote and isolated islands in the world in the Pacific Ocean. Their nearest inhabited island is 600 miles away.

Woke Islanders live on a mentally remote atoll shrouded in a dense fog resistant to penetration by logic, reasoning, and humor. Rational thought is nowhere on the horizon.

They’re a sullen, meanspirited crowd that pit black against white, old against young, rich against poor, and think the rest of the country is inhabited by small-minded, ignorant bigots.

Their hypocrisy and intolerance for those that don’t think as they do is stupefying. Their futile attempts to respond to a factually accurate statement consists of shouting their standard go-to talking point of: “YEH! Well, Oh YEH”!

Woke Islanders also eat their own. They recently attacked liberal HBO comedian Bill Maher when he said: “How bad does this atmosphere we’re living in have to get before the people who say cancel culture is overblown admit that it is in fact an insanity that is swallowing up the world?” He later went on to add: “I must say of all violations of the woke penal code, cultural appropriation just might be the dumbest of all.” The woke Twitter crowd viciously attacked him for his comments.

Woke Islanders don’t believe in what they’re saying. They don’t have a logical defensible position on anything.

They claim that a $5.5 trillion spending bill will stop inflation, when history shows that it does the exact opposite. They say vaccinations prevent Covid, then a day later say they don’t. They conduct a Congressional hearing on unarmed protestors that broke into the U.S. Capitol while ignoring riots across the country involving murder, arson, and looting. They use tax money to hire armed security details for themselves while demanding police departments in crime-riddled cities be defunded and staffed by social workers. They install prosecutors who don’t prosecute, discard bail, and overlook theft of less than $1,000. They ignore the hundreds of thousands of unskilled Covid-infected aliens illegally pouring into the country on the southern border they dismantled. Yet they block the northern border preventing vaccinated, law-abiding, skilled Canadians from entering. In the midst of a national crime wave they say that there are too many people incarcerated so we need fewer jails. They shout “Black Lives Matter” but ignore the fact that 50 percent of the homicides in the U.S. are committed by the 12 percent of the population that is black and that most of their victims are black. They embarrass themselves, offend their fans, and disrespect the country by kneeling during the American national anthem at sporting events but can’t coherently explain why they do it. They think there are more than two genders and that men can get pregnant and menstruate. They prohibit pipelines, fracking and drilling that made the U.S. energy independent then encourage OPEC to produce more while gasoline prices in the U.S. skyrocket. They say it’s burdensome for black’s to prove their identity in order to vote but can’t explain how. While Americans are struggling to pay soaring gas, food, energy, and housing prices they are being harangued for their “white privilege” by an array of well-paid Woke Island academics, media elite and CEOs.

Woke Islanders are the Wile E. Cayotes of politics, civics, and economics, unable to snatch even a whiff of a winning argument. They repeatedly accept the Acme Company’s (a.k.a. The Democrat Party) talking points and express surprise as they continuously and predictably blow up in their faces.

A recent example is the New York Times, which dismissed the reality that 76 percent of black kids are raised by single mothers, by editorializing that “Black kids need fathers less than other kids.”

What’s next?  Black kids need education less than other kids? Black kids need discipline less than other kids? Black kids need guns more than other kids?

We’re supposed to believe these people when they tell us that a father and son never talked on long flights home from Ukraine and China about the multi-million dollar deals that Hunter – whose only expertise involved illegal drugs and hookers – managed to land with an energy company and a private equity firm? We are to believe that blowing paint onto canvas through a straw is artwork that experts are bidding on for $500,000 per canvas?

They say that if you are an illiterate illegal alien with Covid, you can enter the U.S. and get transported at tax payer expense wherever you want and receive a variety of welfare benefits. But if you are a U.S. citizen and you dare enter the House side of the Capitol with no mask, even if vaccinated and free of Covid, you will get arrested.

Like the space aliens in the old sci-fi film “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” Woke Islanders have the physical appearances of conventional earthlings, however, they lack all introspective human reasoning capabilities, behaviors, and emotions.

For example, the Woke Island President has a brain that short circuits. He can’t string together a coherent sentence and his train of thought habitually jumps the rails.

You can spot these self-appointed, chin-jutting, finger wagging, cultural police at grocery stores wearing, one, two, or maybe three masks and even a plastic shield. They glare over their numerous suffocating facial coverings with contempt at your naked vaccinated face.

In the store’s parking lot, their little electric car is the one with the fading Obama, Clinton, Sanders, and Biden bumper stickers and NY, NJ, CA, or Michigan license plates.

They are ridiculous. When you think they can’t get more absurd they prove you wrong. Only when the majority of Americans make them the laughing stock they so richly deserve to be can we start getting back to normal.

(Editor’s note: The above commentary appeared in the national media outlet Biz Pac Review this week at: https://www.bizpacreview.com/2021/08/03/dave-scott-meet-the-woke-islanders-1112421/?utm_medium=Newsletter&utm_source=Get+Response&utm_term=EMAIL&utm_content=Newsletter&utm_campaign=bizpac )

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Things I Don’t Understand: Why do people go camping and spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person?

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Keystone Kop Capers: Perhaps the most shocking piece of news to come out of Nancy Pelosi’s Congressional hearing on the January 6 Capitol Hill mess is that the Capitol Police group has an annual budget of $480 million to protect the 535 members of Congress.  That’s more than twice the budget of the police department in Atlanta, Georgia, a city of 525,000.

The confusion, though, is how it is that, as Victor Davis Hanson pointed out, Washington, D.C. has more cops than the Keystone Comedies and the “Law & Order” franchise put together, including the Park Police, the City Police, the Capitol Police, the Aqueduct Police, the U.S. Mint Police, the Uniform Division of the Secret Service and the FBI, and yet it is one of the most crime-riddled cities in the nation.

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More Woke Wackiness: Are the doofuses who cave into pressure to change the names of sports teams from Indians, Braves, Redskins, Chiefs, etc. ever embarrassed? Wouldn’t it be preferable to have a team named after the fierce horseman who fought to preserve their way of life while being vastly outmanned and outgunned than to be called a “football team” or a “guardian.”?

If the names are insulting and embarrassing to native Americans as the woke loons say they are then why aren’t they complaining about all the military aircraft bearing such offensive names as Apache, Black Hawk, Iroquois, Chinook and Tomahawk missiles?

I shouldn’t give them any ideas as Biden’s newly installed Pentagon pansies will probably start naming weaponry squaw, papoose, pale face, etc.

Watch TV ratings drop as fast as kneeling players and common sense in the NFL this season.

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Masks? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Masks: Don’t want to send your kid to school with a suffocating mask strapped to his head? You don’t have to says Florida Governor Ron DeSantis.  On Friday, July 30, Governor DeSantis  signed an executive order that will stop school mask mandates, saying that every parent should have the right to choose what is best for their child.

DeSantis issued the executive order directing the Florida Department of Health (FDOH) to enter rulemaking in collaboration with the Florida Department of Education (FDOE) to protect parents’ freedom to choose whether their children wear masks.

“The federal government has no right to tell parents that in order for their kids to attend school in person, they must be forced to wear a mask all day, every day,” said DeSantis.

The common sense governor also schooled Sleepy Joe Biden telling the doddering old fool:  “Do your job” demanding he fix the border crisis that is flooding the U.S. with Covid-riddled illegal aliens from more than 140 countries.

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RIP: Comedian Jackie Mason died a few days ago at 93. He was a very funny man famous for his hilarious one-liners. Some of his bests were: “Eighty percent of men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” “Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does” and “I was so self-conscious, every time that football players went into a huddle, I thought they were talking about me.”

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Wait! What? While reading a magazine, book, or newspaper I’ll occasionally come across a sentence so baffling that I have to reread it a second or third time to make sure I understood it correctly.

Last week I found myself pausing frequently as I read a piece in the Wall Street Journal’s weekend “Off Duty” section that featured a front-page story headlined: “Good to Grill”.

I was thinking I might discover some creative techniques for barbequing burgers, hot dogs, steaks, chicken, or brats when I bumped into this sentence: “The char and the smoke just bring so much depth and character, from the caramel notes in the onions to the char in the leek.” Leeks? What the hell is this woman prattling on about?

Then it got stupider.

The gal was writing about grilled salad …. yes, grilled salad. She went on and on, describing grilled kale, avocados, scallions, endive, and strange things called einkorn and goji berries.

“Hello! Come to your place for a barbecue tomorrow? I’d love to honey but unfortunately my trick sleeping team has scheduled a practice session that day.”

Who grills salads? The WSJ writer gushing over this wretched mess says she was inspired by a Houston, Texas chef who practices his trade at (and I promise I am not making this up) a restaurant named Degust.

She went into detail about grilling cucumbers, squash, romaine lettuce, and a number of other items that would only make it onto my grill if I accidently dropped my salad on it. If this was parody it went over my head. That is until I got to the part where she described (again, I’m not making this up) grilled watermelon ginger popsicles.

I stopped reading when I got halfway through the sentence that began: “Grilling rice might seem as surprising to some as grilling pasta…..”

It reminded me of my Fort Jackson, Southern Carolina Army mess hall days during basic training where the mashed potatoes with brown gravy and Jell-O brought so much depth and character to my meal when the mess sergeant ambidextrously plopped them all onto my metal tray simultaneously with a pair of ice cream scoops.

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A Message From Heaven? Willie Richardson, writing in the Patriot Post, reported: “In Toledo, Ohio, for some heavenly reason, lightning hit the facade of a brick wall, removing the face of the infamous and idolized George Floyd.”

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$$$ Department: Last week a reader commented here asking: “How much do you get paid to promote businesses? Be transparent.”

In the eight years I’ve been writing this weekly column I’ve never received a dime from a business for mentioning it. I’ve never asked or even thought about asking for money to mention a business here. In fact, most would probably prefer to be ignored by me.

I write about interesting folks I meet, food I like, places where I’m comfortable, people with interesting stories to tell and music I appreciate, beer joints I like, and topical issues.  If I don’t like a restaurant or bar I don’t say anything unless they’ve committed some intentional grievous faux pas I can document. I don’t consider myself a food or restaurant critic. I  know what I like and where I enjoy myself. It’s not my place to criticize a business unless it has provided a conspicuous reason to do so.

Actually, I’m flattered that the reader would think my opinions could be monetized. Many think they should be demonized.

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Lousy Shots: In the past week it was been reported that 60 people were shot in Chicago and 10 killed, then that 71 were shot the next week, 11 fatally. That adds up to 131 victims and 21 deaths, a kill rate of just 16%. It appears that the thugs in Chicago need to spend time at the gun range.

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A Marriage Tip: Never ask your wife when dinner will be ready when she’s mowing the lawn.

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American War Zones: The problem isn’t that America has “too many guns.” It has too many criminals, not enough cops and too many people who feel emboldened to break the law because they don’t fear any consequences. Washington, Baltimore, Chicago, Atlanta, San Francisco, Jacksonville, etc. are reporting record numbers of homicides. By contrast the last American soldier killed in war-torn Afghanistan was February 2020, one and a half years ago.

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Over The Top Down Under: The raspy voiced little weasel Dr. Antony Fauci’s contradictory nonsense isn’t so bad when compared to his loony counterpart in Australia. That nation’s health officer, Dr. Kerry Chant, officially declared: “Do not make contact with anyone, including your friends or neighbors, even if you happen to run into them, even if you’re both wearing masks and have been vaccinated.”  This doctor needs a doctor.