Wasting Money 101: A Degree in Public Relations

Add public relations degrees to those in gender studies, dance, sociology, anthropology, drama, etc. that will never realize a return on investment.

During my time in corporate communications I hired people to work in media relations, speech writing, internal communications, etc.  Not once did I hire a person with a degree in public relations. I preferred folks with proven writing experience, not babbling back slappers. I have no idea what is taught by those who teach public relations.

I tossed their resumes in the trash as fast as Human Resources could send them to me.

I preferred applicants with newspaper, wire service, or magazine back grounds, people who provided proven examples of their writing skills, who could handle the pressure of hourly and daily deadlines. They understood how news organizations worked, were familiar with news gathering organizations, respected a reporter’s time and deadlines.

I wanted people who could write with clarity, simplicity, and understood the rules of English grammar. I had no use for grinning glad-handers who spoke and wrote marketing gibberish they were taught in a classroom by someone who never worked in a news environment. If their instructors were any good at what they taught they wouldn’t be babbling nonsense at kids in a classroom, they’d be working at what they were teaching, earning a lot more money.

Marketing communications and PR graduates are the ones to blame for the instructions on the Christmas toy that took all night to assemble, the brochures explaining your new medical benefits, your cellular phone and cable TV agreements, the corporate report attempting to explain the reasons revenue and profits nosedived, and why your 401(k) tanked.

Listening to them prattle on brings to mind the line from Monty Python’s “Search for the Holy Grail,” when Arthur asked the supercilious French knight: “Is there someone else up there we can talk to?” Think Target, Bud Light, Jaguar and Cracker Barrel, which may all be victims of these degree program graduates.

It’s not just bad judgement by students selecting a college major, but also the fact that today’s university environment is a wreck. There is no requirement for students to work on their education, as they’re too busy beclowning themselves with campus protests, etc., nothing designed to further their academic or professional advancement. Arrest records don’t impress potential employers as productive extracurricular activities.

These students never learned the art of writing a sentence for simplicity and clarity. They think they have to clutter their sentences with laborious phases and words to appear educated or persuasive. They come across as pompous, unintelligible, and ludicrous.

These kids need to take journalism and English courses. Then as soon as possible go to work for a small weekly newspaper, online or print. Maybe even take a year or two off before going to college and interning. Learning to write clearly and concisely will serve them well in any field they choose. They’ll look like stars.

They need to read “On Writing Well” by William Zinsser and “The Elements of Style” by William Strunk. Then reread them and use them as references during their work lives.

I was a daily newspaper reporter prior to joining IBM’s Corporate Communications function in New York. My experience writing the what, when, where, why, and how served me well.

The best editor I ever worked for was my first one at the Tampa Tribune, the late Tom McEwen. He would rip copy directly from my manual typewriter, grab a pencil, and edit out every unnecessary word that served no function.

Tom, who won multiple journalism awards, explained to me that our readers had short attention spans and had many things competing for their time. “You have about as much time to grab a reader’s attention as a quarterback dropping back in the pocket does to release the ball,”  he said. He was not gruff or preachy, but instructive and educational.

Some of the best advice I heard in a corporation was directed at a group of executives by a former newspaper business editor turned lecturer and consultant. He told them that the main reason they would fail in their careers was their inability to clearly express themselves in writing. “You may have excellent ideas, but if you don’t know how to effectively deliver them you won’t succeed,” he explained.

To demonstrate his point he displayed a variety of memos he had solicited from the group prior to the class. He asked each of them to send him a memo of which they were most proud.

He projected the memos on a screen and dissected them while being careful to eliminate any material that would identify the writer.

The majority of them were word jumbles, a mix of self-promotion and unintelligible gibberish. Some went on for several mind-numbing paragraphs leaving the reader baffled at the purpose of the author.

All of the memos had two things in common. First, they wanted the reader to act on an issue they claimed needed immediate attention and secondly they didn’t say what action they wanted until they very end if then. The purpose of most of their memos was lost amid a sea of claptrap that was not essential to the topic. The writer instantly lost the reader

“Immediately tell readers what you want them to do and why,” the consultant told the group. “Keep it short, punchy, and simple. You’ll get results and respect.”

Instead of writing “price point” write “price.” Instead of  “core competency” use “skill.” Instead of “in real time” write “now” Instead of “implement’ use “do” and don’t “interface” and “dialogue” with people “talk” to them.

Many times during my corporate career and as a consultant I was handed several pages of indecipherable technical and corporate gobbledygook by a proud project manager who would demand that was exactly what he wanted in the press release announcing his team’s product, product enhancement, or service.

I had to convince them that readers have short attention spans. They don’t read articles, they skim them, read the headline, and the first sentence, then maybe the rest of the article. What appeals to readers are short sentences, active verbs, strong words, that answer the question: “Why should I care?”

The audience is tough. To get directly to targeted readers press releases have to be even more informative and interesting enough to get through skeptical editors and convince them to use them, maybe assign a reporter to look into it. When I was a reporter and a PR guy approached me my first reaction was: “Tell me something I don’t know, make it interesting and make it quick.”

That is not a job for grinning, back-slapping, glad-handers with degrees in public relations. How are these poor saps going to pay back their enormous student loans with those worthless diplomas?

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City Leaves Trail Of Blunders: The city of Fernandina botched an opportunity to compromise with a valued corporate citizen and check an item off its lengthy wish list of pricey projects at the same time.

A very wise and perplexed long-time city resident deducted that Fernandina likely could have negotiated with RYAM over its ethanol facility and probably been offered significant “compensation” for the “inconvenience” of operating their new facility – maybe even paying for the sea wall or rebuilding the marina, or remodeling Centre Street or some other large civic improvement. They have been city residents for 80 years – these folks live here too.

Instead it’s facing a multimillion dollar suit that will come out of taxpayer pockets.

“We are our own worst enemies says,” says this fellow.

Frenzied opponents screech that there will be no chemical manufacturing in Fernandina Beach—at all, ever!

Really? As this local observer points out Lignotech has been producing lignin right smack in the city limits since 2018.

My source explains that Lignin production is a type of chemical manufacturing because it involves isolating, processing, and converting a natural polymer into other valuable chemicals and materials through various chemical and physical processes. This includes isolating the lignin from biomass using processes like the Kraft or organosolv method, and then chemically modifying it to create products like adhesives, biopolymers, and other chemicals that can replace petroleum-based products.

“So why the big fuss?” he asks, “the proverbial cat is out of the bag.”

Likely RYAM will point this out in due time he explains and win their Bert Harris claim.

In fact, everything is chemical manufacturing of some sort—breathing, eating—even just living.

So how can the city pick and choose what is or is not “chemical manufacturing”? Lignin production is ok, but alcohol fermentation is not?  Will all the mini breweries and the distillery on South 8^th Street in the city have to close?

The specific language that prohibits “chemical manufacturing or refining” was introduced into the LDC by ORDINANCE 2016 -03 – and two years later in 2018 lignin manufacturing was an allowed use—how do you thread that needle? Answer: make it up as you go along.

Fernandina does this over and over and over – rashly condemning Brett’s, misusing the Board of Adjustment, overcharging impact fees, and misusing them, etc.

Sadly, the city, spurred on by fist waving crazies, is now on the road to economic catastrophe when it could have agreed to negotiate and compromise.

Residents will suffer.