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April 2014 Posts

Can You Read, Write & Need A Job? $50K Plus Benefits Could Be Yours

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Flipping through the Fernandina Beach News-Leader last week a display ad in the Help Wanted Classified section jumped off the page and slapped me in the face.

The ad said that the RockTenn Fernandina Beach Mill is looking for folks to fill manufacturing operations positions there that require them to handle some simple physical requirements involving “rotating shifts that include weekends, heat, noise and working indoors and out.” They also would like those interested to have at least two years of proven job experience, a high school diploma or the equivalent (GED), as well as being able to demonstrate the “mechanical, numerical, and verbal aptitude to learn…”, which I interpret as meaning they must be able to  simultaneously tie their shoes and count to 10 out loud.

The ad says applicants who can “complete and submit a legible employment application” will earn (Are you sitting down?) between $40,000 to $50,000, receive health, life, dental

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Beer, Spirits, Oysters, Patio Dining On Tap for Downtown Fernandina

…… despite town’s anti-business impact fees

Animals. Rabbit isolated on a white background

It appears that entrepreneurs are shaking off Fernandina Beach’s restrictive and arbitrary impact fees as reports of a rash of new businesses sprouting up downtown range from a distillery and a brew bar to a raw bar and a new outdoor dining venue, all in the very near future.

This capitalistic optimism is certainly not fueled by the comatose crew of indifferent elected and full-time city officials but may instead be sparked by Circuit Court Judge Brian Davis’ ruling earlier this year that the city’s anti-business impact fees on new users are “arbitrary and irrational” and are “in violation of the law,” a ruling bungling city officials are vainly appealing to the Florida Supreme Court, another ill-advised action that will cost local citizens thousands of dollars in tax dollars on wasted attorney fees.

Following are businesses that are proceeding in spite of the city’s impotent incompetence:

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Coming to a News Stand Soon: The Fernandina Beach News Wrecker

Blank NewspaperJust like Amelia Island, the folks in Durango, Colorado celebrate their town’s heritage with an annual festival, an event called “Snowdown,” a celebration devoted to “fun, commerce and tourism” that includes parades, costumes, musical performances and more.

But Snowdown has something we currently don’t at our yearly Shrimp Festival. My Indian Rocks Beach, Florida cousin, who splits his time between this state and Durango, presented me with a 16-page edition of The Snowdown Sneer, a hysterical spoof of the town and its winter fete that was held this year, January 29-February 2.

The tabloid parody pokes harmless fun at Durango’s liberal population, the festival, and other area sacred cows with a front page headline reading “City will ban toothpicks to save trees” saying anyone needing a toothpick will have to pay 10 cents, money that will go to the annual Arbor Day celebration, and quotes community activist Payne Dias who says “having a chunk of food between your teeth is not justification to chop down the forest.”

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Want a Divorce & Can’t Afford a Lawyer?

Paper Heart divided into two partsIf you’re thinking about getting rid of your spouse, can’t afford a divorce lawyer and a hit man violates your moral code, then you might want to check out mediation, a process that not only costs less, but is much speedier than the litigation route and less messy than an assassin.

Pretty blonde attorney Alexandra (Zan) Maddox has established a family law mediation practice at her 14 South 6th St. downtown office that typically costs a couple between $1,500 and $2,500 to untie their marital knot, rather than the five to 50 grand a litigated divorce may set them back.

While most attorneys require between a $2,000 to $5,000 retainer fee, Ms. Maddox doesn’t ask for a dime up front and will gladly accept your credit card.

The catch is that both sides have to come to the table in mediation even if they can no longer stand the sight of each other.

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